In the first two weeks of this month, my instructor and I went back out to the practice area to do more upper air work - those stalls we did before, along with the steep turns and slow flight exercises I also learned in the fall.
Now, I have to go off and practice those things by myself! My instructor said he's "kicking away the crutch" and making me leave the airport on my own.
I have been dreading this. I'm sick about it. And the anxiety is made worse by having to wait for the weather. The flight is booked and then cancelled, booked and then cancelled again. It's torture.
Being a student pilot is isolating. I see other student pilots at the airport, of course, but I'm sure not going to admit my terror to them. Maybe they feel the same way but nobody's going to come out and say it. So I feel like I'm the only one who's suddenly afraid to fly the plane!
A while ago, I happened upon the blog of another student pilot who has long since finished her training and become an instructor and corporate pilot. I looked her up again this week and sent her a message to ask her for advice or reassurance. Her response was incredible. She sent me a long email, in which, in a nutshell, she told me that preparation is key and I have done that. That I am not alone in my fear and that many students worry about this. That I don't have to go out there and do it all at once. That I can ease myself into it by just doing a few of the exercises the first time and doing them gradually (such as just doing a 30 degree turn to start with instead of the full-on 45 degree steep turn). She has helped me put the fear I have about this next big step into perspective.
The wonderful Carrie Fisher - Princess Leia/General Organa - who died just last month, was a strong woman who had been through some crap. One of her best quotes is:
"Stay afraid but do it anyway. What's important is the action. You don't have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow."
Putting this all together, I can see that there are ways that I can manage my fear: finding people, preparing and pacing myself, putting it into perspective, and pushing through.
I can do this flight. I can do this flight.