In the last six weeks, a few things have interfered with my satisfaction with flying. I think it's important to acknowledge when things aren't going well. It's OK to feel down about things sometimes. As well, in reflecting on issues that arise, it's possible to learn from them and/or develop a plan to overcome them.
The biggest problem for me recently has been illness. I developed an overwhelming cough and was quite sick for the better part of a month. Needless to say, I barely flew at all, except when I felt slightly perkier for a couple of days and was able to squeeze in two back-to-back flights in early May. I probably wouldn't even have bothered except that I had a couple of hours remaining on some pre-purchased block time, which was about to expire, so I dragged myself out to the airport to get in a little time. I feel better now but the cough and fatigue are lingering so I am still taking it slowly. It's never good timing to be sick but sometimes it's a way of being forced to slow down and rest and renew yourself. There's nothing like being grounded to make you eager to fly again!
Even though our long and harsh winter finally came to an end in late April, the weather has still been an issue. It's been as windy as Jupiter almost every day for the last five or six weeks. I still worry about wind because I'm never sure if I can land on a windy day. Still, it's been so windy that, even if I had more confidence and skill, there have been many days where flying would be iffy. I was supposed to do my 300 NM cross-country trip, a requirement for the commercial pilot license, with a fellow pilot on May 19. We had to cancel because the winds were 20 knots, gusting to 30 at a 90 degree angle to the runway at Cooking Lake. It's been very frustrating and has interfered with my flying goals this month.
The windy weather, while frustrating, does present some opportunity though. I do need practice with windier conditions and there's no shortage of days for that! On one of those early May flights, my pilot friend Cam and I flew to a nearby airport. It was SO bumpy, I couldn't even let go of the controls long enough to switch to my sunglasses. The approach was crazy wild, with strong winds, wind shear, and crosswinds. Once I made it to the ground, the landing was good but it was a wrestle to get it there. Cam and I had to laugh at the conditions that day and, once we were down, we both said it had been a little bit fun and challenging in a good way. I finally flew again yesterday, three weeks after that wild ride. I went to Wetaskiwin, 30 NM away. I left at 7:00 a.m. to try to beat the winds that typically pick up in midday. The winds on the ground at Cooking Lake and at Wetaskiwin were about 8-10 knots, only about 10-20 degrees off the runway, so pretty good. It was smooth in the climb-out and smooth and beautiful at altitude. But when I arrived at Wetaskiwin and turned final, the winds were 24 knots between 100 and 500 feet off the ground. I gave it a lot of power and practically rammed that plane down to the ground. The landing was good but wow! When I returned to Cooking Lake, I encountered the same conditions on final. I actually had to go around and try again because I couldn't quite get my airspeed and descent stabilized in that wind. The second time, I got it in with a passable landing. So much for the calm of the early morning! I don't like flying when it's like that but it is good practice and I was pleased that I handled that.
To continue my litany of complaints, I have felt discouraged socially. So far, I have never perceived any discrimination or exclusion from the other pilots at the airport, who tend to be young guys. I've always felt that they like me and see me as a pilot like any other. They are kind and friendly to me and always happy to see me. But I've realized lately that they do still tend to gravitate toward each other and tend to make their flying plans with each other. It makes perfect sense, of course. It's natural for them to want to be with each other. But it has highlighted for me lately that I am an older female pilot. Also, in general, I feel like I am more often scrounging for someone to fly with than I was before. My pilot friends have been less available to fly with me lately. I love to fly with my brother, who's a student pilot, but he works full-time and can't come with me every time I go. I know this is just the natural evolution of social life. But I feel the shift and I feel the ways that I am different.
Still, I want to use these feelings constructively. One thing that this shift does is force me to fly by myself. I haven't actually spent very much time alone in the plane. It's nice to have company and nice to have the security of another pilot-mind in the cockpit but I can fly a plane by myself and if my circumstances are pushing me to do more of that, that's a good thing. I went to Wetaskiwin alone yesterday and managed the conditions on my own, calmly and cooly. I am not going to wait for company - I'm just going to book a plane and go! It will be very good for me to learn to rely completely on myself. I will also focus more on taking non-pilot passengers with me. That will be fun in a new way, build my confidence as a trustworthy pilot, and give my friends a thrill, too. On a larger scale, I want to think about what it means to be a woman in aviation and an older new pilot. I can use my unique situation to inspire others and let them know that aviation is for anyone. I've reached out to a few women I know who have started and then left flight training or expressed interest in starting it to offer to take them flying and to encourage them in their pilot journeys. I have been pushed into greater self-reliance and have been prompted to think about how I can use myself to show aviation to others.
Finally, it's been very challenging to manage my job as a professor and invest the time I want to in my commercial pilot training. Being a professor is very demanding. It's competitive and the expectations are high. It's a more-than-full-time job. But my job is also very flexible and the pay is decent. I have come to appreciate more than ever how fortunate I am to have the means to pursue my flying goals, which my job provides. Focusing on this instead of the stress has helped me to balance, maintain, and cope with my commitment to both my job and my flight training.
I have to say that it's been a challenging month with a few frustrations. It can be hard to take. But I can see the lessons and opportunities that the challenges present. I don't believe in pretending that everything is hunky-dory when it isn't. That's not fair to ourselves and it takes away the opportunity to use difficult times constructively and productively. Growth is hard but growth is what I want.